Meteorite Debris

Train Surfer for Jesus Dies a Grisly Death EAP: Sydney Australia. Mark Wells, a born again missionary for Jesus, died on Monday in a bizarre accident loosely connected with his interest in witnessing for Christ. Wells was an avid train surfer and believed one way of turning the youth to Jesus was through high risk past times of the sort which had caused him problems in his youth. Ted Holmes, the former parole officer for Mark Wells told EAP that Mark had been in trouble with drugs and petty crimes in his youth. He had had an attraction to high risk activity. He said "Mark was always an adrenaline junkie and that obsession always brought on the wrong side of the law from razor wire tightrope walking, base jumping, driving offences, drugs and alcohol. However in his only stint in prison he found Jesus and connected with his message. He was inspired to spread the gospel to troubled under privileged people like himself." A fellow witness to the homeless youth of Sydney, Bri...

Exorcist Arrested Trying to Exorcise Grounded Airplanes.  EAP: A priest, Father Bernard Anura-Homme, has been arrested by the Australian Federal Police (AFP) after being spotted wandering on the tarmac of Kingsford Smith Airport in Mascot, Sydney. Police picked up a man dressed in a wet suit and breathing gear waving around a crucifix and bible in front of a grounded plane.  The man identified himself as Father Bernard Anuri-Homme, Dean of St Marks Theological College  in Sydney, where he is head of the School of Exorcism. Sargent Gordon Chambers addressed a news conference. The statement by the Sargent followed thus. "Father Bernard Anuri Homme has told the police that after learning about Kenneth Copeland not being being able to fly in a 'tube of demons' that even though the good pastor had not been ordained in the name of God under the Bishop of Rome. that he had come across an infestation of evil hiding in the world's air fleet in the form of a build up of ...

Pastor Dan Crankshaw sells church air as a cure for Covid-19 EAP: May 11 2020, Thanos Valley, Texas. Inspired by the efforts of Kenneth Copeland to combat the Covid-19 coronavirus by blowing his breath over his congregation Pastor Dan Crankshaw has decided to emulate his mentor and brother warrior for the Lord by blowing on his own congregation. Not only that but he has gone one better be deciding to bottle the holy air and selling it to covid-19 infected people. At the monthly local farmers market Pastor Crankshaw's church, the Jesus Saviours Society, set up a stall selling their bottled air as a cure for Covid-19 coronavirus infections. Said the Pastor Crankshaw, "Being saved by Jesus means you don't have to social distance. Social distancing is only for Satanists. Being bathed in the blood of the lamb is the only vaccination you need. Here we saw an opportunity of selling the actual air inside our church to the public at large. We organised the congregation into cou...

Woman charged over the suspicious death of Jesus EAP: May 4 2020, Beadle City. A woman has been charged in connection with the suspicious death of Jesus after an impromptu interview in her car as she was driving away following a church service by DNN. The woman, Mary Oliver, 46 of nearby Beadle Fields, was asked by the TV news team if she was afraid of of catching Covid-19 coronavirus by attending a mega church service at a time of social distancing. Oliver was adamant that she was safe and had no fear of getting sick. She said, "I am covered in the blood of Jesus". She further admitted to going to a hardware store to "buy stuff". Following the short interview police in Beadle City started receiving phone calls reporting that Mary Oliver admitted to being covered in the blood of Jesus. Sargent John Hopkins confirmed that his homicide department was making inquiries. He said, "Being covered in the blood of someone who died violently is a very good indicato...