Levitating girl has trouble keeping feet on ground
This is one I posted to alt.atheism in 2004.
EAP: Sydney 25 Nov 2004. 11 year old Petersham schoolgirl Lisa Hemmings isn't as sure footed as she used to be but evangelicals are excited that Lisa's problems may be a sign of things to come. Lisa has episodes of levitating a couple of inches above the ground. "I may be walking along the street when suddenly my foot can not find the path and I am moving my feet through thin air. It's like I'm in space trying to move by waving my arms and legs. It happens when I pray at church. Typically I rise about 1/2 an inch above the pew but kneeling is most comfortable now when my knees do not touch the floor. I can now make myself levitate just by thinking about Jesus". But members of the Petersham Baptist Church where Lisa's family worships have interpreted Lisa's as a subtle prerapture tremor before the big rapture quake.
Says Lisa, "The first time it happened I was walking with some friends along New Canterbury Road near the corner of Livingston Road and I screamed. Everyone on the street turned around and looked but there was Marcia next to me dumbfounded mouth wide open just looking at my feet swinging back and forth 2 inches above the ground". According to Lisa who no longer wear dresses the episodes started on the Friday before the reelection of the Howard Liberal government and have become more frequent since the reelection of Bush. This has been met with great excitement as a sign that Jesus is moving national and international politics in accordance to his divine plan. Mr David Davies, pastor of the Petersham Baptist believes that all the signs point to these being the last days. "God will carry Bush and his program of fighting the Antichrist and he will then carry all of us to his kingdom" according to Davies.
Davies also knows that Osama Bin Laden is the Antichrist. He concluded this by talking to Lisa who is full of the holy spirit. "According to her she can only cut a levitating episode short by thinking of Osama because then she starts to feel heavy with his wickedness and thoughts of anyone else do not have the same effect on her", says Davies. He continues, "Jesus will throw the Antichrist into his lake of fire and all will rise as he sinks. A fire lit by Bush - hallelujah".
Lisa takes her saviour very seriously and has been called the most perfect child in the world. Her mother can not recall even one discipline episode. She has the most perfect angel voice and she sings regularly in church choirs. Last Saturday she was invited to sing at a Hillsong Church service before 20,000 people during which she felt very light and was visibly seen to rise about 3 inches for a full minute. Angels were seen to be whizzing around crowd and overhead of Lisa. This particular levitation was of a record time although not a record height. That happened in Casserly Park in Stanmore where she was seen to rise 1 foot for a shorter time.
According to Davies, Lisa is full of the holy spirit and it is the force of this spirit that will become stronger than the force of gravity. "It is working first on the most pure but will eventually raise all Christians up to the lord for the hereafter. The flipping point is near. It will be like a flipping of the poles and those weighed down with their wicked ways will be left behind", says Davies. News of the light uplifting spirit present in Lisa has caused attendance at the Baptist Church to overflow onto The Boulevarde and around the Hunter Street corner.
What is Lisa's advice? Be prepared for the rapture and pray to Jesus. Pastor Davies has advised all female members of the congregation to not wear dresses anymore in case of rapture, in case they have the same uplifting experience as Lisa.
EAP: Sydney 25 Nov 2004. 11 year old Petersham schoolgirl Lisa Hemmings isn't as sure footed as she used to be but evangelicals are excited that Lisa's problems may be a sign of things to come. Lisa has episodes of levitating a couple of inches above the ground. "I may be walking along the street when suddenly my foot can not find the path and I am moving my feet through thin air. It's like I'm in space trying to move by waving my arms and legs. It happens when I pray at church. Typically I rise about 1/2 an inch above the pew but kneeling is most comfortable now when my knees do not touch the floor. I can now make myself levitate just by thinking about Jesus". But members of the Petersham Baptist Church where Lisa's family worships have interpreted Lisa's as a subtle prerapture tremor before the big rapture quake.
Says Lisa, "The first time it happened I was walking with some friends along New Canterbury Road near the corner of Livingston Road and I screamed. Everyone on the street turned around and looked but there was Marcia next to me dumbfounded mouth wide open just looking at my feet swinging back and forth 2 inches above the ground". According to Lisa who no longer wear dresses the episodes started on the Friday before the reelection of the Howard Liberal government and have become more frequent since the reelection of Bush. This has been met with great excitement as a sign that Jesus is moving national and international politics in accordance to his divine plan. Mr David Davies, pastor of the Petersham Baptist believes that all the signs point to these being the last days. "God will carry Bush and his program of fighting the Antichrist and he will then carry all of us to his kingdom" according to Davies.
Davies also knows that Osama Bin Laden is the Antichrist. He concluded this by talking to Lisa who is full of the holy spirit. "According to her she can only cut a levitating episode short by thinking of Osama because then she starts to feel heavy with his wickedness and thoughts of anyone else do not have the same effect on her", says Davies. He continues, "Jesus will throw the Antichrist into his lake of fire and all will rise as he sinks. A fire lit by Bush - hallelujah".
Lisa takes her saviour very seriously and has been called the most perfect child in the world. Her mother can not recall even one discipline episode. She has the most perfect angel voice and she sings regularly in church choirs. Last Saturday she was invited to sing at a Hillsong Church service before 20,000 people during which she felt very light and was visibly seen to rise about 3 inches for a full minute. Angels were seen to be whizzing around crowd and overhead of Lisa. This particular levitation was of a record time although not a record height. That happened in Casserly Park in Stanmore where she was seen to rise 1 foot for a shorter time.
According to Davies, Lisa is full of the holy spirit and it is the force of this spirit that will become stronger than the force of gravity. "It is working first on the most pure but will eventually raise all Christians up to the lord for the hereafter. The flipping point is near. It will be like a flipping of the poles and those weighed down with their wicked ways will be left behind", says Davies. News of the light uplifting spirit present in Lisa has caused attendance at the Baptist Church to overflow onto The Boulevarde and around the Hunter Street corner.
What is Lisa's advice? Be prepared for the rapture and pray to Jesus. Pastor Davies has advised all female members of the congregation to not wear dresses anymore in case of rapture, in case they have the same uplifting experience as Lisa.
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