144,000 Jewish Male Virgins Shocked and Horrified at Their Role

144,000 Jewish Male Virgins Shocked and Horrified at Their Role

EAP: Aharon Asher had embarked on the epic project of finding and identifying the 144,000 members of the Jewish Male Virgin club. After 10 years of scrolling as many public records and genealogical databases as he and his research staff could, he finally had what he believed was the complete list. The 144,000 are divided up between the 12 tribes of Israel, with 12,000 from each tribe as expected. The ranged in age from 16 years to 106 years.

After years of negotiation a convention of the golden 144,000 was organised at Istanbul Park in Istanbul, Turkey, a large venue used to host car races and one of the few venues anywhere in the world large enough to host such an event. All accommodation within a few miles was booked en mass in preparation for the event. Entire plane loads of Jewish male virgins were booked out, complete with prepared kosher meals. The female flight attendants said they felt totally freaked out by so many male virgins on a flight.

The boost to the economy was welcomed, however complaints have come in from prostitutes complaining that business has never been so bad. Women within the neighbourhood of the park complained that there are so many "creeps" in the area who will not even look at them. One columnist Eslem Adanir for a women's magazine wrote that the convention is the largest incel fest in history. A convention of creeps.

In his opening speech Aharon Asher gave thanks to the many involved in organising the event and then explained that although the 144,000 gathered were all Jews and not Christians they will have a role in the Christian heaven as the chosen few, the superior humans over the others. At the conclusion of the speech a glowing figure climbed up to the speakers podium even though he was not on the speaker's list. He took the mic unopposed and identified himself as the Archangel Gabriel and few doubted as light was seen to be emitting from his body.

"As you know", started off Gabriel, "it is written that Muslim martyrs are entitled to 72 virgins each. We have 2,000 such martyrs and 144,000 of you. This is where you guys come in. You will be servicing these martyrs after the coming Apocalypse." Murmuring was heard drifting through the assembled. Said Baruch Dagon "I've played video games all my life in my basement but I don't think I am prepared for this sort of role. This is a level I have never ascended to in any of my video games. I wouldn't even know how to look at a woman. This is going to be really challenging. We kept ourselves clean and pure for this, a brothel in heaven?" The sentiment was shared among the gathered with bewilderment and worried looks on many faces.

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Evil Atheist Press