Meteorite Debris

EAP: The LORD and master of the entire universe, God, brought all his fury and might to bare upon the destruction of a bacterial colony on the planet Kluxorz deep in the Triangulum Galaxy, orbiting around a middle age star half way between the core and outer arms. It is believed that the colony was not following precisely the prescripts as dictated by God and were freely choosing other life paths, other than godly approved ones. They had exchanged genes with strains of other bacteria, contrary to what God wanted. God wanted the colony to multiply but definitely not by combining genes with certain other colonies. God felt grossly insulted, snubbed, mocked and shunned and decided that punishment was in order. Thus resolved, the Almighty's will, now focused entirely on the recalcitrant bacterial colony and, no energy left over to guide the planets in their motions, planetary motion everywhere in the universe halted for a few seconds. It was as if time stood still while the Almighty ...

EAP: Saturday 50 kilometres outside Milan a formerly practicing veterinarian, Marco Bonatti died tragically while on a religious pilgrimage between his home town of Milan and St Peters Cathedral in Rome. His pilgrimage came to its premature end when he failed to move fast enough over a rail level crossing, succumbing to an approaching frecciarossa train travelling a great speed. Driver Angelo Santi said; "It was horrible. It's always the nightmare of drivers to have something like this happen. He was just laying there stretching out it looked like. You just can not pull up a train in that short distance so I just had to witness the impact. The thud keep playing over in my head" Witnesses waiting at the crossing told the police he was just stretching his way over the lines and when the klaxons sounded he didn't take action to get out of harms way but continued on. "I don't know if it was suicide or some bizarre cult practice. He was wearing a monk's robe. ...

EAP: The minister of the Eastboro Church, Fred Heaps, and his congregation have determined that God requires them to minister to dead gays and trans people post burial. Not for them the disrespect for the dear departed during a burial service of the more infamous Westboro Church who were known for taunting surviving relatives and picketing funerals. Said Mr Heaps, "While Westboro may have put the 'fun' into 'funeral' with their recreational harassment, we will be putting the 'fun' into 'fundamentalist' principles of witnessing to sinners in the name of our LORD and Saviour, Jesus Christ, in a way which will be more respectful for the families concerned. We have no issue with surviving relatives, only their fallen loved ones". He continued, "Rather the Eastboro Church plans to exhume the dead, lift them out of their coffins and help them into a conversion chair, built for the purpose, preached to, and then to baptise in a full size tank o...