God loses it. Wrecks revenge on bacterial colony.

EAP: The LORD and master of the entire universe, God, brought all his fury and might to bare upon the destruction of a bacterial colony on the planet Kluxorz deep in the Triangulum Galaxy, orbiting around a middle age star half way between the core and outer arms. It is believed that the colony was not following precisely the prescripts as dictated by God and were freely choosing other life paths, other than godly approved ones. They had exchanged genes with strains of other bacteria, contrary to what God wanted. God wanted the colony to multiply but definitely not by combining genes with certain other colonies. God felt grossly insulted, snubbed, mocked and shunned and decided that punishment was in order.

Thus resolved, the Almighty's will, now focused entirely on the recalcitrant bacterial colony and, no energy left over to guide the planets in their motions, planetary motion everywhere in the universe halted for a few seconds. It was as if time stood still while the Almighty focused all his will upon vengeance. The last time anything like this occurred was when Joshua* was conquering Canaan and need more hours of daylight to complete a God ordained genocide of innocent people and combatants alike, leaving alive nothing that breathed as commanded.

At the appointed time God summoned ALL of his power to rain down a cloud of antibiotic liquid upon the bacterial colony. "Nothing is more important to I, the LORD God Almighty, your provider and protector, than to have your undivided adoration of my deistic magnificence", was heard thundering and shaking amid the drops of antibiotic poison being rained down.

With the destruction wrecked the LORD God looked down and said it was good. All was at peace in the universe once more and all the planetary motions in all the galaxies in all the universe resumed their normal course again.  Clocks and calendars will need to be adjusted.

***
Evil Atheist Press February 2019
* The original EAP press release posted to alt.atheism mistakenly stated "Jacob" conquering Canaan. That's the media for you.

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