EAP. Jesus seen surfing a lava river down to the sea on La Palma Island

 EAP: Saturday 2 Oct 2021. As the volcano on the Canary Island of La Palma continues to erupt sending plumes and lava out and attracting natural disaster tourists as hundreds of houses and other buildings are consumed including at least one church reports are emerging of a sighting of Jesus surfing down the side of the volcano and making his way to the sea for a refreshing breath of toxic air down at the seaside. 

Senora Juanita Lopez told an EAP reporter that at the exact moment that the church tower was being overcome that Jesus was seen to be climbing out of the crater, surfboard in hand. "It's a miracle", she declared. She continued, "He placed the surfboard on a stream of lava followed by his feet and hung 10 all the way down to the sea. He even entered, and emerged from, a lava tunnel. On reaching the sea Jesus yelled out 'I love the smell of hydrochloric acid early in the morning'"

Some sceptics like Manuel Perez, known as the island atheist, suggest that believers were themselves overcome by some of the gases with resulting cognitive impairment. "Fiddle sticks, as the British might say. No one can survive a 1,000 C ride on lava, even with a surfboard under your feet and which surfboard would in any case have a short life expectancy. If he can surf on lava why couldn't he save hundreds of structures including one of his own churches?" 

Senora Lopez disagrees. "If Jesus can walk on water then he can certainly surf a lava river. No person has been killed in this eruption and that is because Jesus is present and is in command here, like a general in command of the winning side of a war."

Meanwhile a group of locals have decided to make a sculpture of the surfing Jesus after the volcanic eruption is over. 

Evil Atheist Press 2 October 2021


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

EAP: Charon the ferryman loses his job in the Underworld

EAP: 27 Dec 2022; This year ending soon of 2022 will go down as a terrible year so many people will like to forget and following the covid years of 2020 and 2021. Inflation, war, rising fuel prices and empty supermarket selves, On top of that comes the stockmarket crash and fraud and scams starting with the "Crocodile of Wall Street" AKA Razzle Khan through to FTX and Sam Bankman Fried.  One bright spot of good news comes from the other side. The families of their dear departed ones will no longer have to tape a coin to their foreheads to pay the ferryman, Charon, to cross the River Stix. Opening up on the first of January 2023 is a replacement cable stay bridge to allow the deceased to cross the River Stix without the need of the old ferryman.  It has been a couple of tough years for the old ferryman, catching covid numerous times from infected coins, resulting in a number of back logs as thousands of the dear departed had to wait for their ferryman to recover before finishi...
Read more

144,000 Jewish Male Virgins Shocked and Horrified at Their Role

144,000 Jewish Male Virgins Shocked and Horrified at Their Role EAP: Aharon Asher had embarked on the epic project of finding and identifying the 144,000 members of the Jewish Male Virgin club. After 10 years of scrolling as many public records and genealogical databases as he and his research staff could, he finally had what he believed was the complete list. The 144,000 are divided up between the 12 tribes of Israel, with 12,000 from each tribe as expected. The ranged in age from 16 years to 106 years. After years of negotiation a convention of the golden 144,000 was organised at Istanbul Park in Istanbul, Turkey, a large venue used to host car races and one of the few venues anywhere in the world large enough to host such an event. All accommodation within a few miles was booked en mass in preparation for the event. Entire plane loads of Jewish male virgins were booked out, complete with prepared kosher meals. The female flight attendants said they felt totally freaked out by s...
Read more

Dave Allen recanted on his death bed

This is an old one dating to March 2005. Posted just after the death of atheist comedian Dave Allen. *** EAP. London March 13 2005. Reports from grieving relatives have confirmed the amazing recanting of his life long atheism of deceased comedian Dave Allen. Allen, who grew up with the hell and brimstone Catholicism of devote Ireland, made a career out of denigrating the faith of his childhood and religion in general in comedy sketches and stand up acts, though he was usually sitting down on a stool with a whiskey and cigarette while doing so. He was the first to impersonate the pope on prime time TV and pushed the limits of what was allowed for his time. He was considered a trail blazer among alternative comedians. Now it appears that the faith he made a career out of sending up was finally embraced by the ailing Allen in the last moments. Allen requested that a priest be present to give the last rites. Family members present arranged this and a priest took confes...
Read more