Meteorite Debris

EAP: 27 Dec 2022; This year ending soon of 2022 will go down as a terrible year so many people will like to forget and following the covid years of 2020 and 2021. Inflation, war, rising fuel prices and empty supermarket selves, On top of that comes the stockmarket crash and fraud and scams starting with the "Crocodile of Wall Street" AKA Razzle Khan through to FTX and Sam Bankman Fried.  One bright spot of good news comes from the other side. The families of their dear departed ones will no longer have to tape a coin to their foreheads to pay the ferryman, Charon, to cross the River Stix. Opening up on the first of January 2023 is a replacement cable stay bridge to allow the deceased to cross the River Stix without the need of the old ferryman.  It has been a couple of tough years for the old ferryman, catching covid numerous times from infected coins, resulting in a number of back logs as thousands of the dear departed had to wait for their ferryman to recover before finishi...

EAP: Oct 12 2022. Six month old Becky Graham has been sued for 100 billion dollars because of a breach of a 1,000,000,000 year contract. It has been determined that Becky was Larry Cole who died 2 years ago, bonded to a contract for a billion years to work for the naval arm of a cult called Lafayettism. It is reported that the late Larry Cole worked 120 hours a week for 50 cents a week and died aged 30 years from stress and overwork.  The suit mentions Xenu as the suing party. When a spokesman, Dave McCribbage, was asked how can they be sure they replied that a new technique has been developed of incorporating an e-metre into a dowsing rod and with this Larry was found to be now Becky Graham. McCribbage stated that since Larry has been reborn as Becky, she has not in 6 months reported for duty as per her contract. "If Becky thought she was going to evade her obligation then she is sadly mistaken. We will chase her to the end of the earth in whatever life he or she is reborn into....

 Child grows devil's tail after priest botch baptism EAP: Baal City 15 Feb 2022. For Joy Boyce it started as a happy family event when the newest addition to the Boyce family, Phillip Boyce 12 months, was to be baptised by Father Murphy of St Ingrid's parish church. The sacramental service was followed by refreshment and celebrations.  The occasion seemed to go smoothly but just weeks later Phillip started waking up from discomfort. It was discovered that young Phillip was growing a tail with scales and a trident on the end. "I was alarmed to say the least and I just couldn't explain it" the boy's mother told an EAP reporter. The mystery was solved when a video recording of the baptism was replayed. The baby was touched with some water and Father Murphy then said "We baptise you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost". It was at this point in the video that the boy's father, Isaiah, realised that the correct wording should be "I b...

 EAP: Saturday 2 Oct 2021. As the volcano on the Canary Island of La Palma continues to erupt sending plumes and lava out and attracting natural disaster tourists as hundreds of houses and other buildings are consumed including at least one church reports are emerging of a sighting of Jesus surfing down the side of the volcano and making his way to the sea for a refreshing breath of toxic air down at the seaside.  Senora Juanita Lopez told an EAP reporter that at the exact moment that the church tower was being overcome that Jesus was seen to be climbing out of the crater, surfboard in hand. "It's a miracle", she declared. She continued, "He placed the surfboard on a stream of lava followed by his feet and hung 10 all the way down to the sea. He even entered, and emerged from, a lava tunnel. On reaching the sea Jesus yelled out 'I love the smell of hydrochloric acid early in the morning'" Some sceptics like Manuel Perez, known as the island atheist, sugg...

  CHESTER COUNTY, TENNESSEE. EAP Sat: A 47 year old member of the Second Resurrection Talking Serpent Congregation, Mrs Elizabeth Livingston Dumbarton has been charged with acting contrary to God's Will. The church is the largest building in the tiny cross road hamlet of Serpent Cross Road, so called because it is where an early settler Ebenezer Daniel McNaught Livingstone was bitten by a snake just prior to having visions of his mission sent by an angel of God. Livingstone survived and established his settlement and church on the site which happened to be a cross road. Livingston(e)s still live in the area to this day but due to nearly universal illiteracy in the small community the "e" at the end of the name has been accidently dropped. The hamlet's museum which is basically a tiny shed has a an old sign "Serpent Cross Raod". The sign was replaced after Greg Livingston became the community's first member to complete elementary schooling. About 10 years...

 EAP: Washington DC, Following death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg a close spiritual advisor to the Whitehouse, Gus Cheval, has put forward a name for her replacement on the Supreme  Court, and unusually the name is that of Trump's favourite horse, Mister Brickus. Cheval, an important spiritual advisor to several Republican administrations, told reporters that he sent a message to the Whitehouse to arrange a meeting with the President on a matter of national spiritual importance. Within hours a reply was received and a meeting was scheduled. Cheval said, "With the death of the Supreme Court Justice it is vital to the life of the nation, and to the glory of God, that our God fearing President, appoint a suitable God fearing Justice to the bench. There has never been a more faithful servant than Mister Brickus and his wisdom is well received. I have never heard a cuss word from Mister Brickus and certainly nothing pro abortion pass through his mouth. This is a cri...

 EAP: Black Valley Vic, Aust. To the list of detritus of collateral damage wrecked by the worldwide pandemic of Covid-19 has been added the children's outreach program run by the St Christopher Parish of the Roman Catholic Church. Already hit hard by thinning pew numbers before the pandemic and further hit by the necessary removal of 2 in 3 pews to meet with mandated social distancing regulations the parish clergy now find themselves unable to interact with the young in their outreach program and unable to tend to their pastoral needs. Father Brian Fitzerrol told an EAP reporter, "Social distancing means we can not interact with children in the way clergy traditionally have done. Zoom is not the same spiritual experience. It's has to be a hands on experience in order to win children to Christ. I know a lot about children's ministry because of my experience of being transferred more than 20 times between different parishes in the course of my vocation doing this work fo...

Train Surfer for Jesus Dies a Grisly Death EAP: Sydney Australia. Mark Wells, a born again missionary for Jesus, died on Monday in a bizarre accident loosely connected with his interest in witnessing for Christ. Wells was an avid train surfer and believed one way of turning the youth to Jesus was through high risk past times of the sort which had caused him problems in his youth. Ted Holmes, the former parole officer for Mark Wells told EAP that Mark had been in trouble with drugs and petty crimes in his youth. He had had an attraction to high risk activity. He said "Mark was always an adrenaline junkie and that obsession always brought on the wrong side of the law from razor wire tightrope walking, base jumping, driving offences, drugs and alcohol. However in his only stint in prison he found Jesus and connected with his message. He was inspired to spread the gospel to troubled under privileged people like himself." A fellow witness to the homeless youth of Sydney, Bri...

Exorcist Arrested Trying to Exorcise Grounded Airplanes.  EAP: A priest, Father Bernard Anura-Homme, has been arrested by the Australian Federal Police (AFP) after being spotted wandering on the tarmac of Kingsford Smith Airport in Mascot, Sydney. Police picked up a man dressed in a wet suit and breathing gear waving around a crucifix and bible in front of a grounded plane.  The man identified himself as Father Bernard Anuri-Homme, Dean of St Marks Theological College  in Sydney, where he is head of the School of Exorcism. Sargent Gordon Chambers addressed a news conference. The statement by the Sargent followed thus. "Father Bernard Anuri Homme has told the police that after learning about Kenneth Copeland not being being able to fly in a 'tube of demons' that even though the good pastor had not been ordained in the name of God under the Bishop of Rome. that he had come across an infestation of evil hiding in the world's air fleet in the form of a build up of ...

Pastor Dan Crankshaw sells church air as a cure for Covid-19 EAP: May 11 2020, Thanos Valley, Texas. Inspired by the efforts of Kenneth Copeland to combat the Covid-19 coronavirus by blowing his breath over his congregation Pastor Dan Crankshaw has decided to emulate his mentor and brother warrior for the Lord by blowing on his own congregation. Not only that but he has gone one better be deciding to bottle the holy air and selling it to covid-19 infected people. At the monthly local farmers market Pastor Crankshaw's church, the Jesus Saviours Society, set up a stall selling their bottled air as a cure for Covid-19 coronavirus infections. Said the Pastor Crankshaw, "Being saved by Jesus means you don't have to social distance. Social distancing is only for Satanists. Being bathed in the blood of the lamb is the only vaccination you need. Here we saw an opportunity of selling the actual air inside our church to the public at large. We organised the congregation into cou...

Woman charged over the suspicious death of Jesus EAP: May 4 2020, Beadle City. A woman has been charged in connection with the suspicious death of Jesus after an impromptu interview in her car as she was driving away following a church service by DNN. The woman, Mary Oliver, 46 of nearby Beadle Fields, was asked by the TV news team if she was afraid of of catching Covid-19 coronavirus by attending a mega church service at a time of social distancing. Oliver was adamant that she was safe and had no fear of getting sick. She said, "I am covered in the blood of Jesus". She further admitted to going to a hardware store to "buy stuff". Following the short interview police in Beadle City started receiving phone calls reporting that Mary Oliver admitted to being covered in the blood of Jesus. Sargent John Hopkins confirmed that his homicide department was making inquiries. He said, "Being covered in the blood of someone who died violently is a very good indicato...

Joe Biden magically disappears EAP: Thanatos Falls, Arizona. Pastor Robert Vie has enthused his congregation with news of a modern miracle here in 21st century America, the land of the brave and the free. It seems that presidential hopeful has disappeared without a trace. "God has taken up brother Joe into his bosom as he took up Elijah and Elisha, by plucking him up from real life and elevating him up to his father who art in heaven", Robert told his flock. One member of the flock told reporters, "It's good to see God moving in mysterious ways. We don't know quite why God requires Joe's presence at this time. It must be his mammoth brains trust that  God requires of Joe at this time". Another flock member said, "At this time of emergency of something like the 1918 Spanish Flu and the Great Depression all rolled into one, it is good to see that Joe Biden is out of the way and not bringing any influence which could bare on God's plans for hum...

EAP: Southville South Australia. Father Decca Smith of the Southville St Mary's Anglican Church believes that God is revealing himself through the Covid-19 coronavirus and by so doing is teaching his flock all about logarithm and to show us how exponential growth works in concrete ways. He has seized the opportunity afforded by the public health emergency to teach both maths and God's love in the local parish school where he teaches. He came to this conclusion after a parent asked him "What sort of a god would send coronavirus on to good people?" Puzzled and troubled by this question Father Decca prayed all day for answers. He told EAP that the answer came to him late in an evening. He said, "With the blessing of the good lord I realised that the most important we can do for our children is education, but much of what children learn is disconnected from the real world. Maths is one such area in which it is hard for some children to grasp in a concrete way. It...

EAP: Detroit City Saturday. As a result of Democratic candidate Joe Biden renaming God or "the creator" to "the thing" life time devotee and firm believer in a god, Dicky McGeezacs, has taken it upon himself to inform the nation of the change in name of the Christian god. The god was Formerly known in various incarnations as El, Elohim, Jehovah as well as "the creator" among others. Hopeful Presidential candidate, Joe Biden, inadvertently found himself doing the thing's work by announcing the creator's new name as  "the thing" when quoting, and altering, the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by, you know, 'the thing'". It is speculated that half of of Joe's awareness and consciousness is already on the other side, and with what remains to soon follow. Dicky McGeezacs told EAP that he thought this was an excellent idea and...

EAP: Father Francis is a priest at Saint Xavier's Parish Church in Great Falls Creek, Queensland and he is well liked by his congregation. However it had come to the notice of the diocesan bishop that some comments he made about abortion and euthanasia on a local radio spot did not completely condemn the practices. What had particularly got under Bishop Fullum's clerical collar was an attempted joke "Well we hope they do not progress from practicing to a live full command performance". In a harshly worded rebuke which some have called a fatwah the bishop warned, "...that God may well make known his displeasure at Father Francis laughing outside the death camps to both Father Francis and his congregation."  Now it seems that God is now acting on Bishop Fullum's words. The aging church with its dwindling congregation base and declining revenue stream its aging congregants has long been in need of repair but increasingly paint flakes, chips of stone and s...

EAP: Like many Year 12 students Mal Edwards attending Canterbury High was taking exams as part of the Higher School Certificate. However the Department of Education has a strict policy against cheating or receiving assistance during the exam. It was during his geology exam that the supervising teacher watching over the exam session, Janice Newman, noticed that Edwards was praying just after the start asking God to help him. Ms Newman asked Edwards to hand in his paper immediately and to leave the exam hall. Ms Newman said, "If a student was found to be copying from a text book or googling during the exam I would have taken the same action. No student is allowed to receive an unfair advantage from outside sources. Exams are testing the student on his or her own merits. Clearly Mal has a friend in Jesus and was using that friendship for improper purposes. This puts students who are atheists or who worship less powerful gods at a distinct disadvantage." For his part Edwards ...

EAP: Arjun Bhat was an accountant who decided to marry his profession with his Hindu faith and propel his career to stratospheric levels. As the only son of Indian immigrants to Sydney Australia he had seen relatives and friends soar to social heights beyond himself. He did not have 3 rental houses, 2 luxury European cars and a weekend house in the Blue Mountain like his cousin Sai and he had to refuse an offer to enter into a joint investment venture by another cousin, Aditya, for lack of sufficient capital. To this end Arjun looked to a new business opportunity inspired by his own job of keeping balances. He realised that Karma was an accounting system. Pluses and minuses on a ledger all accounted for the karma someone carried into their next lives. Arjun realised that many sub-continent business people were caught between a desire for this life to be reflected in their next life in a positive and doing well in this life as one conflicted with the other with prospering n this life ...

EAP: In the aftermath of the closing down of a cruel Schrodinger Cat experiment which was conducted by the now disgraced Ralph Norman, a doctrinal student, one of the rescued cats, known by the experimenters as Schrodinger 7 or S7 and variously as "Lucky Cat", the "God Cat" or "9 Lives Pussy" by members of the public because she had survived so many experiments in the Schrodinger Apparatus now sits upon a comfortable hand embroided cushion on platform as the centre piece of the recently consecrated temple to her honour. The Schrodinger Apparatus is now on show in the Adelaide Museum of the Macabre. A sect known as the Adelaide New Age Aquarians organised to adopt Schrodinger 7 as their own believing that to have survived so many quantum events means she is a very old and extremely reincarnated soul and that in caring and revering her people can earn karma credits of their own. The temple is situated in an abandoned church in the suburb of Glenelg. Ms Daw...

EAP: Ralph Norman a Christian pastor at the Hillside Evangelical Witness Church who is also completing a doctrinal thesis in quantum physics titled " Of Cats and God " has been charged with animal cruelty by the police. In addition he is facing disciplinary charges from his campus at the Port Adelaide University of Technology. Mr Norman was hoping to combine his physics studies with his Christian faith. To this end he had enrolled in the world renowned respected accredited institution in preference to the Christian college where he had completed his divinity studies. His hypothesis was that the weirdness of quantum physics would be the area where divinity can be imaged. He had expanded the Schrodinger's Cat thought experiment to a third state of cat, no cat and echo of God. His thesis required more than just thought experiments. He needed observations. It was for this reason that had constructed an apparatus to exactly translate the result of a quantum reality when ob...

EAP: Following the near miss of an angel strike a few weeks ago in Adelaide which was reported to authorities by 737 pilot Colin Holloway; many pilots around the world have raised concerns about the threat posed to aviation safety of a potential angel strike. Bird strikes have long been a concern for aviation safety but a recent spate of angel sightings by airline pilots passing through controlled flight paths has many pilots worried and some aviation regulation bodies are looking into the problem. While there has never been a reported angel strike with an aircraft, authorities are nonetheless concerned. Another reported near miss with an angel occurred in Washington DC, an unlikely location for angelic sightings of any sort, as Rick Hopkins and first officer Sally Mills were bringing an A320 airliner into Ronald Reagan Airport. The occasion was of an angel returning after an assignment of setting up a Holy Mother apparition. Having eminence in a higher domain angels are not subjec...