Meteorite Debris

 EAP: Black Valley Vic, Aust. To the list of detritus of collateral damage wrecked by the worldwide pandemic of Covid-19 has been added the children's outreach program run by the St Christopher Parish of the Roman Catholic Church. Already hit hard by thinning pew numbers before the pandemic and further hit by the necessary removal of 2 in 3 pews to meet with mandated social distancing regulations the parish clergy now find themselves unable to interact with the young in their outreach program and unable to tend to their pastoral needs. Father Brian Fitzerrol told an EAP reporter, "Social distancing means we can not interact with children in the way clergy traditionally have done. Zoom is not the same spiritual experience. It's has to be a hands on experience in order to win children to Christ. I know a lot about children's ministry because of my experience of being transferred more than 20 times between different parishes in the course of my vocation doing this work fo...

EAP: As a result of recent appearances to members of the public a Sydney court today handed down a restraining against the Virgin Mary. Martha Gibbs was driving on a freeway when the Virgin Mary suddenly appeared in the middle land. Martha was forced to take evasive action resulting in a pile up and many injuries for other drivers and their passengers. Bob Fawkes was driving on a country road when the Virgin Mary suddenly appeared in the passenger. The surprise and fright caused Fawkes to veer off the road and roll his car. Bob and Martha were just 2 people who were part of a class action against the Virgin Mary. Ray Velts is another petitioner. As an operator of a construction crane he was distracted by a vision of the Virgin Mary at a crucial moment in a lifting operation causing him to do damage to property and crushing the ribs of another construction worker. The action was brought by people whose lives have been adversely affected by Virgin Mary appearances. Artist Denzil...

EAP: Parents and teachers are aghast at the latest extreme stunt by Denis Shorter, a brimstone fundamentalist pastor who takes advantage of compulsory religious scripture class state public schools in New South Wales, offered to church ministers, priests and pastors to take one period a week to instruct children in their particular denominations. The policy has bipartisan political support across the board although it is a sore point for secularists who believe public school is no place for religious mumbo jumbo. The Flamboyant pastor visits a Sydney western suburbs public school and spends his half hour shouting, screaming and gesticulating wildly, so much so that the Catholic class instructed by Father O'Brien next door has on several occasions complained of the volume of his instructive delivery. One technique used by the pastor is to catch the eye of one student during a delivery walk up to that student screaming and shouting, only stopping a few centimeters or an i...

EAP: The breakaway Catholic Church congregation of Saint Xaviers Church of the Bleeding Cross in Dulwich Hill, in the inner suburb of Sydney, has introduced a new service for its congregation. The maverick congregation is well known for giving out small blood drenched crosses from stalls occasionally set up on the main street, Marrickville Road. Father Paul Ryan keeps a coop of chickens for the purpose of providing the needed blood. For its efforts local vegan extremists firebombed the church last November. The church regularly paints a cross on its entrance in blood in recognition of the Exodus event. For its unorthodox practices the Vatican excommunicated the church, its clergy and its entire congregation. Father Paul Ryan is called "A Known Antichrist" by regular Catholics. Father Paul Ryan describes the doctrines of his church as celebrating the blood of Christ. "Blood is a constant theme in throughout the bible. Blood flows freely throughout the bible, from the sa...

EAP: Saturday 50 kilometres outside Milan a formerly practicing veterinarian, Marco Bonatti died tragically while on a religious pilgrimage between his home town of Milan and St Peters Cathedral in Rome. His pilgrimage came to its premature end when he failed to move fast enough over a rail level crossing, succumbing to an approaching frecciarossa train travelling a great speed. Driver Angelo Santi said; "It was horrible. It's always the nightmare of drivers to have something like this happen. He was just laying there stretching out it looked like. You just can not pull up a train in that short distance so I just had to witness the impact. The thud keep playing over in my head" Witnesses waiting at the crossing told the police he was just stretching his way over the lines and when the klaxons sounded he didn't take action to get out of harms way but continued on. "I don't know if it was suicide or some bizarre cult practice. He was wearing a monk's robe. ...

Another EAP piece I posted to alt. atheism in 2005. EAP. Rome April 9 2005: In spite of a funeral attended by hundreds of thousands and watched by hundreds of million live on TV including 800,000 at one public gathering in Krakow reports are coming in from around the world of sightings of the pontiff in an apparently healthy state and a radiant smile. People walking home from the public funeral gathering reported seeing Pope John Paul in side streets. Reports are that he smiled radiantly and placed his arm over one woman's tear soaked shoulder. The woman who wants to be known only as Anastasica said she simply felt heavenly in his presence and she felt her grief lift. "I am going to put this sweater in a glass case for ever. It has been touched by a saint". In the Giza strip in Tokyo several Japanese Christians reportedly saw the pope. The two girls concerned bowed to him Japanese style. In response the pope smiled and waved his hand. "We were just s...

This is another EAP piece I wrote in 2005 for alt.atheism . Rome April 19 EAP. Following the death of Pope John Paul II several weeks before on April 2 115 cardinals gathered at the Sistine Chapel to create another pope. After the ancient traditional rituals of prayer and chants the conclave set to work. As is normal for this rare and sacred ritual an egg the size of an elephant bird's egg being about 30 cm in length and 20 cm in width was brought in and placed in the middle of the chapel exactly under the part of the ceiling where God's finger touches man's finger in a symbolic act of creation - the act of creating a pope being a microcosm of the act of the creation itself. Initially the egg rolled around in a semicircle and then wobbled back and forth on itself but then the egg sort of lost interest. At this point it is normal for secret rituals to be performed to animate the egg but EAP has been lucky enough to get an inside view of proceedings because f...

This is an old one dating to March 2005. Posted just after the death of atheist comedian Dave Allen. *** EAP. London March 13 2005. Reports from grieving relatives have confirmed the amazing recanting of his life long atheism of deceased comedian Dave Allen. Allen, who grew up with the hell and brimstone Catholicism of devote Ireland, made a career out of denigrating the faith of his childhood and religion in general in comedy sketches and stand up acts, though he was usually sitting down on a stool with a whiskey and cigarette while doing so. He was the first to impersonate the pope on prime time TV and pushed the limits of what was allowed for his time. He was considered a trail blazer among alternative comedians. Now it appears that the faith he made a career out of sending up was finally embraced by the ailing Allen in the last moments. Allen requested that a priest be present to give the last rites. Family members present arranged this and a priest took confes...